


Stupid

by volleybald



Series: HQ Week [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Day One, First Serve, Haikyuu Week, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:08:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2521874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volleybald/pseuds/volleybald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are talentless. You don't belong on this team. There's no reason for them to keep you, especially after making such a huge mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid

Tadashi didn't break down until the match had finished. This fact alone made him proud enough that he could almost forgive himself, but not quite. There were tears in his eyes as he pulled his practice jersey over his head, shivering as the cold air of the club room touched his skin. 

He had screwed up. He had known the possibility existed, but he had managed to psych himself up before the practice match against Tanaka-senpai and the other first-years. He told himself that he would do well, that the team he was on would win. He told himself that Tsukki would be proud of him. 

It wasn't the first serve he had ever made in his life, not even close. But this had been the first serve that he had delivered as a part of the Karasuno volleyball team. It was just a practice match, sure; but the upperclassman had been watching and judging, and the other first-years would mock him if he messed up, he just knew it.

So when his serve flew forward and smacked into the net, he was instantly mortified. That was it, his volleyball career was over. The third-years now think that he has no talent and he'll never get to play in a real game. It served him right, for serving wrong.

The sound of the ball hitting the floor on his side of the net was like a punch to the gut. He glanced around frantically, waiting for the baritone of the captain's voice to ring out, telling Tadashi to leave the gym and never come back.

But the only visible response he received was Tsukki half-turning to face him, sneering disdainfully as though disappointed.

Tadashi was disappointed in himself. He had let Tsukki down, revealed his own weakness, and given the other team a point they didn't deserve. Regardless of whether his team won this match, Tadashi had already lost.

He worked as hard as he could for the remainder of his time on the court, hoping that Sawamura-senpai might recognize some sort of potential in him like there was in the other first-years, and allow him to stay on the team. It was a long-shot, he knew. But he still played with all his might, just in case.

After the match, defeated, he waited impatiently for the request for his departure. Surely they had realized that he was worthless and should be let go. 

So when he was handed a Karasuno jacket and reminded what time morning practice would begin tomorrow, Tadashi felt sick to his stomach. What? Were they letting him stay? That made no sense. He was an embarrassment! He had messed up his very first serve for their team. Didn't they know that meant he could miss other serves?

He staggered to the club room to change, pushed along by the enthusiastic voices of his new teammates. He couldn't let himself be swept up in the excitement of the group.

He changed in silence, focused almost entirely on the task. Next to him, Tsukki changed in silence as well, but that was nothing new. Tadashi thought that maybe if he dressed quickly enough, he could leave before Tsukki had the chance to insult him and rub the metaphorical salt in his festering emotional wound. 

He stuffed his practice clothes into his bag, shuffling his feet into his shoes. He glanced at his new jacket, knowing that the temperature outside was cold enough to warrant wearing it. But he couldn't. It would feel so wrong. He didn't belong on this team, and soon enough they would realize it and kick him out. He would rather freeze than lie to himself.

He threw the jacket into his bag, zipped it shut, and flung the strap over his shoulder. He was halfway out the club room door before he heard it: "Yamaguchi."

He stopped in his tracks, anguished. He didn't want to speak to Tsukki. He didn't want to see the look on his face when Tsukki deemed him pathetic, just like he called everyone else who failed to meet his expectations. But ignoring Tsukki was asking for trouble.

He turned slowly, plastering a smile on his face so as to not seem impolite. "Yes, Tsukki? I'm in a bit of a hurry to get home. Do you need something?"

Tsukki was also finished changing, but was taking his time packing up his belongings. "You played well today, Yamaguchi."

He wasn't expecting that in the slightest, and again he felt nauseous and uncertain. "You really think so? That's very nice of you to say. You played even better than-"

"You played well, so I don't understand why you seem to be beating yourself up."

Tadashi was stunned. For as often as he relayed Tsukki's thoughts to others, Tsukki never claimed to know how Yamaguchi was feeling. 

"I can't say I know what you mean, Tsukki. I'm just very tired, is all. I guess that match took more out of me than I expected!" He raised his arm to scratch the back of his head, but it fell back down to his side when he caught sight of the awful glare Tsukki had aimed his way.

"You're lying. You're hung up on your missed serve. You think that you'll get in trouble for it."

"That's not... How did you know?"

Tsukki shrugged and zipped up his bag. "It's in the way you carry yourself. You seem distraught. I would be upset with myself too, if I had missed a serve. But there is no reason for you to drag yourself down just because you made a mistake."

"Everyone else is so exceptional and talented and I could never come close to them in skill. I already messed up the first important thing I had to do for this team; I don't know what else I could possibly do wrong."

"Stupid."

Tadashi was tiring quickly of explaining himself and getting next to nothing in return. "Yes, I'm stupid. I thought I had made that clear."

"You're stupid for thinking you don't belong here. If the captain honestly thought you were talentless, he would have asked you to leave, not given you a team jacket. You're a moron if you think one flubbed serve is enough to get you thrown off the team. Look at the idiots we just played against: they are awful and completely hopeless, and even they were asked to stay on. You did fine, Tadashi."

The unfamiliar use of his first name was enough to force out the tears he had been holding back since his mistake. He attempted to stifle them quickly, wiping his hands furiously against his cheeks. He heard footsteps, and then felt his bag being lifted from his shoulder.

"I'm walking you home, because you're obviously too brainless to get yourself there alone. Let's go, Yamaguchi."

Tadashi could only nod and follow blindly behind. Tsukki was right: receiving compliments was strange and left him feeling lightheaded. When he finally staunched his ridiculous crying, he dried his eyes and looked up at his friend.

Tsukki was looking down at him as they walked, a look on his face that Tadashi could almost call fond. "You know, I never would have pegged you as a pessimist, Yamaguchi."

"You know, I never would have thought you could care about others, Tsukki."

Tadashi gasped and slammed his mouth shut, instantly appalled at what had come out of it. He turned to face Tsukki, hands raised in a pacifying manner, ready to apologize profusely.

But Tsukki had a smile on his face that made Tadashi snap his mouth shut once more.

"You did well today, Yamaguchi. I think we'll both fit into this team just fine."

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Haikyuu Week on tumblr. You can find the rules and FAQ [here.](http://haikyuuweek.tumblr.com/faq) You can also find me on tumblr; my blog has the same name as my AO3 account, but here is the [link](http://volleybald.tumblr.com/) just in case.


End file.
